Sky Under The Sea- Pierce The Veil

So she did try to off herself, but as we all know, Prozac doesn't kill you. Soooo she banged her head on the wall and threw up. she's got a concision and a neck brace. She also has to go to a mental facility tomorrow. I'm just happy she's alive.

Can you feel my heart- Bring Me The Horizon

So, one of my friends was seriously considering suicide tonight, but i wasn't there to help. I had to make dinner. LUCKILY, she decided to call those phone lines everyone always tells you to call. She ended up staying. Which is great, but now i feel like shit. She needed me, and i wasn't there. What if this happens again, and i lose her, I'll be devastated. Gets me thinking about when i took all those pills the week before. I called Ricki and he helped me. I had to force myself to throw up because Ricki talked me out of it. I'm grateful that Ricki was there for me. Now it's my turn to be there. I promise I'll drop everything for her. My phone is not going in my pocket ever again.

Come one, come all- All Time Low

No ID = I.S.S
Eh. At least I'm alone. I need to do my nails today. but my black is sticky. I used to do all bright and colourful colours, now all I want is black. Black is awesome, Red is cool too. But BLACK, oh man black is the best colour created. I had a dream last night that I was a freshmen at St. John's university. I would love that so very much. Not too far, not too close. Good fun school. Nice Red color (lol). If I would want ANY dream to become reality, that would be the one.

Chelsea's Secret- Bring Me The Horizon

Sooooo yeahh. New scarzzs. I really need an ID. I miss DC. I started talking to Alex Figaro again. We haven't seen each other let alone talk in about 3 years. He's usually off the grid. I miss him. He's leaving for basic training in August and he says he wants me to come see him before then. I definitely plan on it.

Herro

Oops... Missed some days. Nothing much happened really. Didn't get to spend my hot cash. Life. I had the craziest dream about Jenifer Lopez and Iggy Alazea though.... Don't ask.

RIP MCR

I saw something today that i liked. I liked it so much i had to write it down. I don't know who the guy was, but this is what he said.
"At some point, this all ends."
I wrote it in my journal (bet ya didn't think i had one of those huh?), but i added something. I added "at some point, this all ends. So hold on please."
Today was a good day. :)

Yay

It was my birthday yesterday. I'm legal now. Yay! Too bad I look so young huh?? At least I can buy fireworks now.

Oh no.

I tried to do something bad yesterday. Thank God for PJ. I tried to do another bad thing yesterday too, but i guess it didn't work. So i guess I'm crazy?

Hmm

I had an actual conversation with Enoch today in the library. About Stuff. Like Hamlet. Huh. Today was a good day. All smiles, no tears. No cuts. Hopefully I get to have more of these again.

Sorry

I just realized, these blogs have gone really down hill since I've stopped pretending to be happy when i wasn't. Today was an okay day. Saw David Lake today, that was nice. He's coming to Symone's basketball game tomorrow as well. I added the new scars to my body just a minute ago. These ones hurt more. They're deeper than usual. I'm never going to be able to wear shorts again. I guess it's for the best. King keeps sending me messages doing and saying things we did when we were together. Like when one person says bye the other goes "noo don't go!". But when he did it today i didn't reply back. He said he was hurt because i actually let him leave. I told him it doesn't work like that anymore. He'll get the picture one day. It'll never be the same. I can't go back to how things used to be either. Its just, different now.

Zzz

I slept a lot today. That's all I can think of saying right now.

I'm here.

I'm still alive. Not done yet. I stayed home yesterday, didn't wanna see anyone. I watched interviews on my favorite bands and stuff. It was nice. My party's tomorrow. Not that excited. I'm watching my favorite movie right now, Beautiful Creatures.

Dreams

I feel it the most here. The loneliness. The pain. Im reading this story and in it they say when you're alive you're sleep, and when you die you wake up. Maybe i need to wake up. Stop sleeping and get rid of this nightmare we call life. I've found no reason to hide anymore. That smile won't conjure up.

Dreams

I feel it the most here. The loneliness. The pain. Im reading this story and in it they say when you're alive you're sleep, and when you die you wake up. Maybe i need to wake up. Stop sleeping and get rid of this nightmare we call life. I've found no reason to hide anymore. That smile won't conjure up.

I started writing again. Sheet music, lyrics, words. It's calming. I missed it to be honest. I made a friend today. She likes bands like me. She's also anorexic like me. Oh yeah, i found out I'm "suffering" from anorexia. I self starve. I don't mean to, its just that i don't want to eat. Even if my stomach is punching me, begging for food. I feel like sometime soon someone's going to try to "help me". Well I'm fine. I've been like this forever, I just suppress it. Well not anymore. I can't keep these things in. I can fake the smile for people, but not myself.

"Conversations with a knife mean more than I've ever had with you"

I wore my new Pierce the veil shirt today. Loved it! It fits so well. Today i was thinking of King for a little, and i didn't get sad or miss him. I cut myself last night. The pain felt good. As i ran my fingers through my cuts i renumbered how sweet it feels, the pain that is.  It feels, like I'm not alone. Only few people know I'm cutting again (they didn't even know i had ever done it). i stopped before so surely i can stop again, but i don't think i want to. I love hurting myself. I feel alive.

"Oops"

I need someone to talk to. I can't keep these things in any longer. Im cutting again.

Happy New Year

I'm feeling much better. I'm turning 18 this month!! And i graduate this month !!!