oh no

I need him. no i don't. I just want him. I want us. Ugh. I'm such a teenager. I just wanna skip this part and get to the ending. I'm tired of being a cliché. I'm a chick flick. God.

Liar

Im not over him. Fuck this. He still cares. Why did he have to tell me that. He didn't understand what i said. Its not over. But why is it over?

The hardest part of this is leaving you.  -Cancer. My Chemical Romance

Yay

Im good now. I'm over it. What made me get totally over it, was while we were talking it all out, he said he's not saying no to giving it another try one day. Like excuse me? I'm not waiting around for you to decide to want me again. Junior was there for me the whole time. He made me talk about it to him. He's a great friend. Anyways, King being conceited made me like eeehh, I'm good. When i didn't jump on it, he saw like never mind then. So yeah, he needs to grow up and realize the world doesn't revolve around him.

Boo

My skin is tearing up because of all this crying I'm doing.

Finito

So yesterday, i got dumped.
I know right?? He says that sometimes, i do things, that, get this, embarrass him. I've never been called an embarrassment before. I'm different. He knows that. So why ask me out, if you know I don't act like these other girls? It really hurt when it happened. He couldn't bring himself to go through with ur, but i just flat out asked if that was his motive, because that was the second times he's told me we gotta talk, and then days i can't do this, never mind. I'm really hurt. I'm sad. I'm pissed. I'm heartbroken. I'm confused. Why make me think you like me? Why make yourself think that? Why put me through all this? Now that i think of it, he's very selfish for this. Now i have this big bear  i can't stand to look at. you know something? I hated this place, because i felt i didn't belong, and he was the only reason i started to feel different. Now, i just wanna stay here in Florida.

Dead.

So we never made it to Florida. we got in a car accident and we all died. Im doing this blog from hell. JK! WE MADE IT! Florida's awesome Christmas is awesome. We saw a dead bear. Right now, I'm tired so I'll catch you up in the morning after i do that dumb packet. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Dead.

So we never made it to Florida. we got in a car accident and we all died. Im doing this blog from hell. JK! WE MADE IT! Florida's awesome Christmas is awesome. We saw a dead bear. Right now, I'm tired so I'll catch you up in the morning after i do that dumb packet. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

✌

On my way to Florida... Yay!!!

Presents!!!!!!!

I got the cutest Teddy Bear from King for Christmas. AND MY SUPERWOMAN SHIRT!!!!!! AAAHHH I LOVE IT!! is a lil big, but i still love it. I gotta medium. maybe should've gotten a small. It'll shrink some when i wash it. I love the bear more Though. Its big and fluffy. It's name is KJ, King Jr. Waiting for the parents to get home so i can open the rest of these gifts. King lives his speakers i got him. Good couple award. Imy ready for Florida tomorrow. I'm gonna miss King a lot. That's why im taking KJ...

Buurrr

Winter break has a good start. I'm pissed about this packet. Im not reading all that. im gonna do it during the drive. Help waste time.

Uncle house

I'm at my uncle's house giving our cousin's their presents for Christmas. Today was a.... A weird day. Took some random pills that were in my pocket and..... It made me lala loopsy. I have a headache and I'm hot. And my eye hurts. I fell a lot and i think i cried like 20 times over nothing. Never again. I also got squished and met new people. Made up a handshake with PJ and got twerked on by demetrius. What a day. I'm ready for Florida.

Stuff

So im watching the winter concert with my best friend Aaron Allen Mason, of the Mason Jars.

Im Back

Sooo i was just thinking. Michelle is the i got so depressed. When i got here last year, she told David (Gordon) that she thought i was weird, and she would talk about me behind my back. I never had anyone do that to me before, and it hurt me. A lot. i started to think about how people viewed me. I felt like everyone was judging me, not just her. It made me feel ugly and stupid and i started to point out every flaw in me i could. Now i can't stop. I have good days, i have bad. Recently, I've been having more bad than good.

Guess what??

Soooo, I'm going to be spending Christmas in Florida. AWESOME! I've never spent Christmas in got weather. I'm so excited. We're going there to see my uncle and aunt. I'm ready to go now. I wanna go to the beech while I'm there, but i have a feeling that's not gonna happen. I get my gift from Tami tomorrow. I'm so excited and nervous as to what she got me. I hope i like it. I have more to talk about, but i got work to do so imma continue this later.

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

O. M. G. MY SUPERWOMAN TEAM SUPER T-SHIRT CAME YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!! KING SENT ME THE PICTURE.... AAAAAAAHHHHHG!!!!! Also, ......

MY BEAR KEG CAME!!!!!!!!!! 5LBS OF PURE GUMMY BEARS ALL FOR ME!!!! OMG BEST DAY EVER!!

Symone won her FIRST basketball game of the season today, 48-2. She scored almost half the points too. I was in SAC he entire first period. They thought me and King were, ya know, doing the nasty. We really weren't. I texted Ruth, and she sent it to my dad. He told me he thought i caught King having sex with another girl! He said he thought he was gonna have to beat someone up. My daddy loves me! The reat of the school day went well. I saw the Christmas play. Felt like i was watching a bad Tyler Perry movie. I have work to do though. Gotta get these grades up. B's and i think a C. In gym. No words needed.

Okay......

I like to sing.... There, I said it. Now someone knows...

Impromptu

I had a good day today. A really good day. Heck, i had a GREAT DAY. I'm still helping Darius lower his ego to realize syje isnt like these other girls out here. Boy, he thinks a little too highly of himself. Still my twinn though. So instead of taking me HOME, King and his Dad decide, WITHOUT TELLING ME, to go to their house. I didn't mind of course. He fed me food and pie and chicken( I've wanted chicken for days so he made me some). I hung out with King at his house until he had to go to work. Then he drove to his job and then his dad took me home. It was nice to see him during the week. His dad doesn't usually let him see me on weekdays other than Friday. I changed my mind on taking the ASVAB, but I don't have the heart to tell Dominick. It's just that when I see him and he's talking to me, his face is so beautiful I just agree with whatever he says. When he saw me he looked upset. I was supposed to text him letting him know if I have my social security card or not, but i forgot. He was all like "you just didn't want to."..... O_O its half and half. I'M SORRY DOMINICK!!!

Visitors

David's over my house!! David lake, that is. I missed him so much. He's my diary. Today was a good day. Cheniah is spending the night over my house. I wish I could've gone to Ricki's house, but he has a JROTC event tomorrow. Imma spend the night another day. oh yeah, i skied Chyna out on Instagram cuz she spammed my feed, and i gave her a to be honest that said i hated out first conversation. She said let's leave the past and talk more. I think that's great. finally we can move past that whole thing.

Cheese

My life is okay. It could be better I guess. I Mean, if I think about it, is not that bad. I have a dad that takes care of me, a great step mother, good friends here and at my home in DC, a great boyfriend that treats me well, i finally have a family that talks to me. But on the other hand, I've moved around all my live. There's really no stability. I don't know everyone here like i do back home. There's some omen on me that won't let me get a job despite the fact that EVERYONE wanted to hire me in 10th grade when i couldn't get a job, but now it's like everyone hates me. I suffer with depression that comes when i wave it least. The fact that I've never talked about my emotions keeps me guarded and my boyfriend hates that, i feel alone, scared, hurt, and dead. I'm in a constant battle with my dad for equality between me and my brothers. I want SO BAD to talk about all this, but i can't. I know people will listen, but i don't want anyone to hear. Fuck therapy, that's no help. I should talk to King, but again, its hard to express my emotions. I've kept so much about me hidden from everyone. Even my parents. Even myself. How can i keep my manically depressed friends happy if I'm manically depressed myself? I can't keep others happy and be happy too. Its one or the other....

Christmas

Christmas is approaching fast and i still haven't gotten King his speakers. I'm gonna ask them to take me to get it tomorrow. He's taking the ACT tomorrow. I hope he does well. I'm getting myself a shirt for Christmas that has lyrics to one if my favorite pierce the veil song off their new album. Tami got me something for Christmas. That was a nice surprise. Now i have to get her something but i don't know what to get her. It's a really strong love/hate relationship i have with surprises. That's why i love Christmas. I also love how people act around this time. Everyone is happier and nicer. Everything is bright and jolly. I sound like a Christmas song.

SitSAT

I think i did good on the test Saturday. Only skipped four questions in total. They dumbed it down a little. Today was a good day. My headphones officially broke. Only one ear works when i move it around. I'm getting king those water speakers for Christmas. He was staring at them in the mall the other day. he's gonna love it. I caught up on almost all my vlogs today. My body's almost where i want it. Little more work...

Redo

Taking SAT tomorrow. Pray for me...

Redo

Taking SAT tomorrow. Pray for me...

...

I had a sad day today... No smiles

Die??? I'll think about it. Until then, I'll just exist. ^_^ ( x_x )

I'm suffocating

Today was okay. I saw what i need to graduate. I just need to pass my classes and get the rest of my hours. All this talk about college and graduation is freaking me out. I need some fresh air and a glass of water with a fluffy pillow to calm me down and let me breath. Time is going WAY too fast for me right now. After winter break, my year is pretty much over. I don't know if I'm ready for the world yet, or if its ready for me. I pray everything will work out for me...