Cheese

My life is okay. It could be better I guess. I Mean, if I think about it, is not that bad. I have a dad that takes care of me, a great step mother, good friends here and at my home in DC, a great boyfriend that treats me well, i finally have a family that talks to me. But on the other hand, I've moved around all my live. There's really no stability. I don't know everyone here like i do back home. There's some omen on me that won't let me get a job despite the fact that EVERYONE wanted to hire me in 10th grade when i couldn't get a job, but now it's like everyone hates me. I suffer with depression that comes when i wave it least. The fact that I've never talked about my emotions keeps me guarded and my boyfriend hates that, i feel alone, scared, hurt, and dead. I'm in a constant battle with my dad for equality between me and my brothers. I want SO BAD to talk about all this, but i can't. I know people will listen, but i don't want anyone to hear. Fuck therapy, that's no help. I should talk to King, but again, its hard to express my emotions. I've kept so much about me hidden from everyone. Even my parents. Even myself. How can i keep my manically depressed friends happy if I'm manically depressed myself? I can't keep others happy and be happy too. Its one or the other....